When I Saw You

I passed by you today. 
It was swift and unsettling.
I can imagine that it seemed
as if a train raced down the rails.

You didn’t see me,
but I know you felt me,
because you paused shortly after
life led my feet the other way. 

I glanced back quickly,
to see you standing amidst 
bodies bouncing off of one another.
You swayed rhythmically with the chaos
as if the madness made you feel at home. 

I turned around right before
a single tear slipped down your cheek. 
My timing was perfect. 
We weren’t supposed to cross paths today.
It’s a wonder why we did.

And had I stayed longer,
you would’ve been able to tell
that your tear was matching mine. 

written July 12, 2016.

I'm Sorry. I Love You.

I’m sorry that my worth couldn’t make you stay longer. 
I’m sorry that the way that I laugh and the way that I think wasn’t enough.
I’m sorry that you put limits on my feelings,
because you didn’t want to deal with them.
I guess you thought that they could be told where to go. 

I’m sorry that I let you down when I should have lifted you up.
I was young and selfish and overwhelmed.
My current behavior cannot make up for the mistrust
that past mistakes have created.
Now a chance with you is only rendered in a dream. 

I’m sorry that you feel this way.
I’m sorry that when you wanted me, I reduced us to fun and games -
I was under the impression that we mutually viewed things as such.
I ultimately minimized us to protect myself. 
I didn’t think about a future
because I didn’t know you cared enough to have one. 

Two years later here I am,
apologizing for things I haven’t even done,
feeling regretful about “then”
because it affects us now.

I guess it’s best that we don’t text or talk on the phone anymore.
I guess it’s best that you’re out of sight and out of mind. 
I guess it’s best that I don’t tell you that I love you.
I’m sorry that you’ll never know.

written July 11, 2016.

Dear Black Man

A king is who you are,
and will forever be. 
Do not allow society
to tell you differently. 

Now come bring me your heartache;
let me wipe away your shame.
I will take the shackles off your feet,
and alleviate your pain. 

I know they demonize you,
and instill so many with fear,
but I know the real you;
your voice I will gladly hear. 

You feel alone because you’re at odds,
trying to provide in an imprisoned state.
I know you’re angry and discouraged,
but do not be filled with hate.

I can be your superwoman;
I’m no deity but what is true,
is that everything I’ve ever needed,
I have found in you.  

written July 6, 2016.

Sanctuaries

You allowed men to make homes out of a temple
they never appreciated beyond its walls.
They entered you so easily and left once they came.

You now mourn what was once an ethereal place of peace.
Countless spirits have resided within the confines of your soul,
and now you are stitching yourself back together.

You are weakened.
You are weary.
Everyone has a breaking point,
and yours is swiftly approaching.

You’ve loved men that had no clue how to love themselves,
and were treated like the very dirt you walk on.
You’ve held on to the hearts of past lovers for dear life,
while they took extreme measures to destroy yours.

It hasn’t been all bad, though.
There were a select few who would give you their all,
but you didn’t want to take it.
Sometimes you didn’t know how to.
The residue from the men before had already festered in your mind,
tarnished your heart, and toyed with your vision.

You are filthy inside.
Years of unresolved issues and suppressed emotions have piled up.
The pieces of people from your past have left their mark on you
without your consent.

You cannot scrub off your scars.
Repression does not erase what still lingers;
denial does not get rid of what devours.
I wonder,
if those that have harmed you so detrimentally, are hurting just the same.

written July 5, 2016.