I’m sorry that my worth couldn’t make you stay longer.
I’m sorry that the way that I laugh and the way that I think wasn’t enough.
I’m sorry that you put limits on my feelings,
because you didn’t want to deal with them.
I guess you thought that they could be told where to go.
I’m sorry that I let you down when I should have lifted you up.
I was young and selfish and overwhelmed.
My current behavior cannot make up for the mistrust
that past mistakes have created.
Now a chance with you is only rendered in a dream.
I’m sorry that you feel this way.
I’m sorry that when you wanted me, I reduced us to fun and games -
I was under the impression that we mutually viewed things as such.
I ultimately minimized us to protect myself.
I didn’t think about a future
because I didn’t know you cared enough to have one.
Two years later here I am,
apologizing for things I haven’t even done,
feeling regretful about “then”
because it affects us now.
I guess it’s best that we don’t text or talk on the phone anymore.
I guess it’s best that you’re out of sight and out of mind.
I guess it’s best that I don’t tell you that I love you.
I’m sorry that you’ll never know.
written July 11, 2016.