Unpublished

I could write a book about what each tear means. 
I could, but I won’t. 
I don’t trust you enough to understand why I feel the way that I do. 
I don’t trust at all.

My pain is scattered between old news and current events. 
It’s written in these lines, 
painted on the walls of the buildings I used to reside,
and held in the hearts of men that said they loved me,
but never quite knew how.

Sometimes I think about all that I’ve been through and cry.
I think about what’s to come and I cry some more. 
I am far from sending a bullet through my skull, 
but my sadness runs deep. 
I am far from the woman that the public believes me to be. 
Right now I am small.

I could write a book about it. 
I could. But I won’t. 
I could write a book about it. 
But there’s nothing left to say.

written October 7, 2016.